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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in topgunsman's LiveJournal:

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Sunday, May 17th, 2015
10:14 am

Tap Tap...Is this thing on? Yeah. I don't know if anyone even reads these things anymore with the advent of Facebook, Tumblr, Instagram and the like, yet here I am and after a long absence no less.

I've had a tremendous amount of business.  I think many people can claim that.  On cause of mine is due to a rather colorful employment situation.  I'd rather not get into detail at this time, but will say that my job will no longer exist soon, or will diminish to nearly that.  I'm working on making a transition into another job.  There are a lot of details to iron out on both fronts.

I've got a family member that's been quite ill.

This and the job situation make for quite a mix.  I've been lately  lagging behind on the completion of household chores, but under the circumstances it makes sense and they will get done quite simply when they get done.

My social life has taken a slide as one would expect with so little time to spare.  I'm trying to get back in the saddle with this now.  I've gotten myself out a bit again.  It's a start.  Conti invited me to a 'leather night' event last night, well, I don't think that what it really was, but did no advance homework on it.  It was good to see Conti and catch up a bit.  We had a nice meal.  Afterwards at the event I felt more like a fixture than a person there.  Only few people even looked my way.  And the thing is I had no desire to interact with anyone there.

At first I thought that my life was shifting into disinterest of being with people.  And then I realized it wasn't that,  it's just that I have specific things I'm hoping to find which were not there.  Hopefully I will find these things elsewhere.

Saturday, January 3rd, 2015
1:36 pm
Phoning Splinter
They say every journey starts with the first step.  I just read an email from Splinter and felt it would be easier to reply with a phone call than to type a reply.  It's been a long time since we've seen each other or even spoken for that matter.  I do miss him.  Previous phone calls would often be entwined with an occasional story of days gone by, but this call was more about current and recent times, an opportunity to catch up some.

I got to give him an update on my life from several different perspectives: work, hobbies, and socially.  Funny thing how just the casual conversation became inspirational.  Somehow, it feels like I've just taken a step.
Sunday, September 9th, 2012
9:43 am
A Cat's Life
I just had to:

One Cat's Life:

http://youtu.be/Q34z5dCmC4M
Sunday, June 24th, 2012
6:52 pm
Providence

Finally reporting back, though briefly about Providence.  Went with Conti early on the afternoon to see the concessions area.  Conti tends to just want to dart ahead, while I find myself looking to browse a bit more.  The crowd was thick, even more so than past times, and with a lot of diversity.  Several people brought dogs and a few concessionaires offered pet water.  One person had (at least what appeared to be) a snake on his shoulders.

I would have gone into the area where there music was being performed, but the crowd was just too thick.  We exited and on the street, we bumped into Scarecrow, with his boyfriend and a family member.  Then one of their friends also appeared.  We just chatted briefly and they headed for a drink at the Mirabar.  From there back to Conti's and good meal at a local restaurant and then to the Parade at night.

Conti had vague plans to meet friends and all watch the parade, but it did not develop.  I had a hard time enjoying the parade.  I know Conti was trying to bump into his friends, but I would have been much happier staying at one locations.  I was silent as we kept moving. 

One thing did happen that irritated me.  We were at one point standing in a crowd where there was very little open space.  Almost person to person.  There was some guy there with a girl who was puffing away on his cigarette.  The wind shifted my way and I was getting all of it directly in my face.  He later takes the lit cigarette out of his mouth and brings it down close to him, behind his back.  Seconds before this happened, someone dropped something and had bent down to pick it up.  I'd say things were three inches away from a guys hair accidentally being lit on fire.

I'm not against someone smoking outside.  Smoking in an area as crowded as this one was probably not a bright move safety wise and not considerate.

So there you have it.  My report.  Wasn't I Mr. Grumpy?

Friday, June 15th, 2012
9:36 pm
Providence Tomorrow
Planning to see Pride in Providence tomorrow. Conti has offered a wonderful invite (as always). One slight twist is that friends have also invited him to see them. I'm presuming for dinner or to see the parade, although I have no details. He said that I'd be more than welcome too, but he hasn't had confirmation back from them yet as to if indeed this will be happening or not.

I've had a particularly tiring evening tonight. Worked a full day, and even mowed part of the lawn after that. Then, household chores picking up from the previous evening. I'll be hitting the hay early tonight and looking forward to tomorrow.
Sunday, April 22nd, 2012
9:03 am
Having too much on the calendar usually means that things become too hurried, and have the risk of wearing me out. Yesterday was one of those days when I thought the scheduled plans had plenty of wriggle room. Worked in the morning and planned to follow up with a quick store run.
Work went as expected, but as I left there were a slew of roadside flea markets yard sales. Yeah, I stopped. Again and again. Now I'm running much later than expected so decide to get lunch. Fast food would have been ideal being fast and cheap, but I suddenly decide that I crave seafood, and head to one of those dairy bar stands. The lind that sell ice cream, burgers, and the like. The food will not only take longer here, but will be more pricey. A woman that I used to work with arrives and happens to spot me. She sits and we chat a while.

Finally off to the store and then head home. I start sneezing. Continuously for quite a stretch of time. It's gotta be the pollen as the poor plants are still trying to figure out the past years weather changes. By the time I stop sneezing I am exhausted and take a nap.

The local pub planned a leather night. I had sent Contiboy a previous email mention. I called him and we planned on dinner and then the bar. I took an allergy pill in the meantime. Napped more. I was so tired that I wound up canceling the dinner. Conti said he'd be hit or miss to the bar then, because the dinner was his main intention. Perhaps for the best as I napped yet again and woke up off to a late start to the bar.

I just tried to settle myself into a quiet spot at the bar to just see how it all would come together. I really didn't dress the occasion. I had on blue jeans, logger boots, tank top and a leather cap. I figured just enough of...something.

Several people came and chatted for various lengths of time. A few were new faces, and some old acquaintances. The place got busier, and then real busy. A complaint that I had muttered once before was some other "leather" events were mostly a few locals dressing up in it. It's not that this is a bad thing, it's just that it would seem to lack members of the leather community.

This one seemed to be vast improvement. Visitors included some of the Bay State Marauders, CT Cruisers, and also some Central Mass Bears, and Northeast Ursamen. There were several title holders from past leather competitions. Not to mention how easy on the eyes many of the attendees were.

I stayed pretty much in one area of the bar, talking just to a few as mentioned. I didn't mingle much. I left before the "competitions" but that was partly due to my fatigue from earlier. Seemed like a whole lot of eye candy was at that far end of the bar. A pity I didn't mingle more, but I didn't. Most of my "leather history" was made in New York and New Jersey. I sometimes feel like I have had some kind of barrier up with the more local people, in regard to sharing some of the more personal things in my life. I'm trying to figure that out. I know that I've been away in many ways over the past couple years with the employment status jumping around for me as it did.

Seems like I'm struggling to open up to people. Including myself.
Sunday, February 26th, 2012
8:53 am
Venue Options
While taking a look at a few profiles on a bear website I came across one that said you would not see him at several bear events (that he listed) or any other bear event that is just a buffet and a beauty contest. The question then comes up, what are the options? Movie night? Concert? Sports Event? Game night? Museum? Hikes?

Guess I can agree with that bear that the events can sometime be just B&B, but a good mix of different venues might be a good way to meet up with new people, a different crowd of people. I need to take my own advice here.
I wonder what other venues are out there?
Saturday, January 21st, 2012
6:29 pm
Just Sayin'
I found myself more excited over the Golden Globes than by last night's "big" football game.
Sunday, June 5th, 2011
11:15 am
I'll Drink To That
I'm going into a local McDonalds, and who do I think of? No other than njbearcub1 Why? Fanta Strawberry Soda on tap. Free refills.
Saturday, April 16th, 2011
10:04 am
Spell Check Is A Good Thing
While typing an email to a board member of a large association, I use the word "presuming". Accidentally, I hit a letter "c" instead of an "s" The word instantly appeared with a red underline. Reading it made me giggle. Spell check is a good thing.
Thursday, March 3rd, 2011
6:47 pm
Phased Out
I was in my car running errands. While driving I took the opportunity to start catching up on some podcasts. I was listening to Dart's Domain. Dart was on explaining some of his personal dynamics as both a Sir and a collared boy. His discussion got me thinking about my own life today and also of some times in the not so distant past. My mind totally became engrossed in this. I forgot all about the errands, and drove while simply in thought. The funny thing was, I thought I was heading for Jersey. I really thought I was driving to New Jersey.

Something distracted me, and I came out of the trance. I realized I was still close to home and need to do my planned run. Weird.
Saturday, February 19th, 2011
1:44 pm
Providence Gathering
Travel has been sparse. Things have been tight. I'm sure many of you know what that is all about.

Continental Boy and heard that the Providence Eagle was holding a buffet and gathering a week ago on Saturday. He called to invite me. It was a fund raiser for the Leather Leadership Conference and the Gay Men's Domestic Violence Project. The Fetish Fair was being held this same weekend nearby so it sounds like good planning on their part. I planned to skip the Fair due to my own constraints, but did look forward to the rest. I arrived at CB's a bit early. It had been a while since we had seen each other and it was good to finally do so again.

The buffet and gathering had three quick demos, and there were music videos on a big screen throughout the night. The crowd was smaller than I anticipated, perhaps due to earliness of the evening. Odd thing is there were only a few familiar faces there. Nice things is got to meet a few new ones.

On my way out, to my surprise I spotted badfaggot It was a surprise that my mind connected the dots so easily to recognize him, as I only know of him through his blogs, that he hasn't been doing for some time now. My recognition was probably even a greater surprise to him. I wish I would have had more time to get acquainted, but was leaving, and likewise didn't want to just intrude. Well, I might have liked to, but my manners won out.

I can't say how good it felt to get out among some of my own kind. It had been way too long. Next weekend, I plan to head up to Worcester.
Wednesday, October 27th, 2010
9:42 am
He Asks, When Can We Meet?
Something that I've sometimes questioned, sometimes been irritated by, sometimes attracted to is when you have conversation with someone on over the internet. The conversation has been sparse and sporadic. You know nothing of each other and then they come out with. When can we meet?

My home life has changed economically. Money is tight, well more than that, so my travel and extra spending is curtailed to about nonexistent. I've got family at home with me too, for now.

As far as a first meet, I really want things on the simple side. A chance to meet face to face with no expectations. I usually recommend a bar, restaurant, or an event. If they're traveling far by car I'm sometimes open to a halfway place. In my current situation I don't see myself traveling far at all, so that leaves the traveling to them.

I've hard a hard time justifying in my mind having someone (let's say) two hours just to meet me, and perhaps share a meal or something, with the possibility of simply returning to a two hour drive back home after that.

So I really have no answer as to when can we meet. Time goes by and then they may ask again. I still offer no real answer, other than right now isn't good.

I think I've had the wrong thoughts on all this. I should just let myself move forward. Give them the details of what I am willing to offer, and let them come if they chose to. Gee, It really is simple after all.
Sunday, August 29th, 2010
9:50 am
Yankee Candle
Yankee Candle has a great leather scented candle. They stopped making it some time back. I often ask about its return when in the stores, and occasionally contact the company via their website. Squeaky wheel, right? I went into a Yankee Candle store yesterday and see that they had two large leather scented jar candles. I'm willing to bet that many of their stores have been given a few of these. Yay.
Sunday, August 22nd, 2010
10:38 am
Partners with matching tattoos? Kinda hot.
Sunday, July 25th, 2010
3:30 pm
There was a first run event last night in Worcester last night themed "Fetish Night"- Leather, Latex, Rubber, Bears, or xxx? The word was not really out there about it, but I think it was great to see people showing interest in this theme. There might of been about a dozen donning various amounts of leather. It was such a hot day yesterday, that I knew this would limit how much leather would be worn. The up side being you see more harnesses and exposure. The crowd there was more of a regular Saturday night crowd. It felt a bit awkward at first, seeing so many non-fetish attendees, but considering all the circumstances, things at least went smoothly.

Funny how the conversations got my thoughts to move inwards. I know I've been in a rut for a while, and could continue that way for longer. The money situation is not where it once was, and I've also been helping out family. True, it has hampered my traveling and my social life some, but now I'm questioning my lack of effort to do almost anything.

Conversations last night mentioned how the bar scene is changed and many more people go instead to their computers to find people. I haven't even kept up there. I neglect to update photos, and don't even bother to update and text info. They must seem awfully stale. They make me feel stale. I don't know how quick I'll be to work on these things, but I guess the mere fact that I'm blogging about it shows I'm trying to get some kind of motion started.

We'll see where it goes.
Sunday, April 4th, 2010
8:42 pm
Harbor Masters
I was planning to get out to the bar night with the Harbor Masters of Maine held in Worcester. It was late in the afternoon and I decided to step out for a quick bite to eat before preparing to go. My car displayed a different plan of action. None, that is. It wouldn't start. It sounded funny when last started earlier that day. Now it would not start at all. I called my father over and tried to jump start the battery, but that got me nowhere.

I decided to call Triple-A thinking I needed a new battery. Their follow through was good. I had a tow truck arrive about 45 minutes after I called. He ran a tester and said that my battery should be fine. He couldn't seem to figure out the problem, so I asked him to tow the car to a local garage that I use.

Continental boy, on hearing the situation, offered transportation to the event for me. He went quite a bit out of his way for me. That meant a lot to me.

I mentioned to Splinter and his partner a while back details of the night's event. I was hoping they might pop in as the partner was (or is) a member of the Harbor Masters. As a matter of fact, it's from them that I first heard of the organization. They didn't attend. I did enjoy the evening. They seemed to be a fun group. The night also gave me an opportunity to meet someone in person that I've chatted with on line for a long time.

I could elaborate more, and do a better job at what I've just written, but have been overwhelmed right now with a lot of issues that have kept me busy. The car was only one of them. It only needed a starter, by the way.

I'm posting this now and already a week has gone by. This is all I have the energy and focus to write about right now. 'Nighters
Saturday, December 12th, 2009
8:41 am
Overheard in a Convenience Store
Guy: I sent out my Christmas cards.
Cute Cub: I sent you a Christmas Card.  I bet you'll like it.
Cashier/Guy's Mom: **Smiling** Coming from you, I know I'll just love it.
Guy: When you get mine you might not like it, but you'll know it's from me.
**The guy giggles and wiggles his butt**
Guy: I'm sending out pictures of me in ass-less chaps
Cashier/Guy's Mom: I wouldn't doubt that at all coming from you.

I just grinned at the guy and left as I was on my way out and was not part of that conversation.  What I really wanted to say was, "I'd much rather see your friend here in the ass-less chaps."
Saturday, October 31st, 2009
1:24 pm
Someone I know is looking for a web host replacement due to the closing of Yahoo's Geocities. He is hoping for something that is free, with minimal advertising, primarily to show an on line profile. One that won't give him problems with the mention of M/s relationships. He wouldn't have any porn. A web site, mind you, not a social network like recon. It's been awhile since I've explored this avenue, so figured I'd throw the question out there. Can anyone recommend such a web host?

I may give it a look over for myself too.
Sunday, October 11th, 2009
7:50 am
Zeb Atlas. New to me. Easy on the eyes.
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